Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Anyare?

Hello mga Charothea! Wala na naman akong maisulat. Namiss ko ang pagsusulat ng walang kakwenta kwenta kaya gagawin ko ito ulit. 2013 na. Alam niyo bang umabot lang ng 24 post ang 2012 ko? Kaloka. Bumaba ng 60.65% mula ng 2011. Kung noon "I was bitten by a travel bug" ang say ko, ngayon I was bitten by a bug (-tugan) (ipagpilitan ba? hahah! corny quirino.) Shemay.. ano bang katamaran ang dumapo sa akin. Sabi ng friend kong si Marx, inaantay niya pa rin daw ang year ender post ko. Hindi ko na ginawa. Kasi kung assignment man yun, baka ni 200 words per entry hindi pa ko umabot. Idodouble space ko na lang para humaba. Gagawin ko na lang na 500x500 ang size ng bawat isang picture. Chos! hahah!

Start the year right. Oh well, for the record.. nagma-make up na ko. hihihi! Kung dati imbyerna to death ako sa mga taong make up ng make up sa school, ngayon para na kong late bloomer at nakikigulo rin sa kanila. Siguro nga it's my time to shine. lol! Mga lola ko naman kasi e (ehem!). Pinagpapamigayan ang Clinique. Ano naman ang gagawin ko sa mga yun? ipapamigay sa mga kapos-palad na beki?!
I joined Biggest Loser. Dito lang sa office. Di ko keri.. Di ko keri na nationwide e ipinagwawag-wagan ko ang bilbil ko sa TV. Isa pa, hindi ako bagay dun.

-----ipopost ko sana ang draft na ito last January. Ang bongga ng shift ng emosyon ko nung dumaan ang Pebrero. I lost someone closest to my heart.

It's the first time I experienced a loss. Loss na hindi na kaya pang ibalik kahit ano pang gawin mo. ACTION! (Warning: a very long emo post. Pwede ng hindi basahin tutal magsisimula na ko mag blog ulit next week. Gusto ko lang mag emote paminsan minsan)

Feb 8, 2013 - I got a text from my mom that my Aunt was sent to the hospital. The moment I learned that she was admitted to ICU, kinakabahan na ko sa possibleng mangyari.

Feb 9, 2013 - We arrived. Only one family member can enter ICU for all we know. I saw her. The scene was truly heartbreaking. Feeling ko nun, milagro na para sa kanya na nakakahinga siya. Ni hindi niya mabuo ang isang inhale-exhale. Hindi maipagkakaila ang paghihirap. Ang payat payat niya. Nun ko na-realize, bakit ba namin siya napabayaan ng ganun. May mga nakasaksak na swero sa kanang kamay niya tapos naka oxygen pa.

I wore the lab gown and entered the room. She saw me and smiled. I came closer to her and held her hand. I felt like crying but I managed to compose myself. Kinumusta ko siya. Sabi niya nahihirapan siya. Iniintindi niya ang bill sa ospital. Sabi ko wag na niyang isipin yun dahil gumagawa na kami ng paraan. She asked for water. Gustong gusto ko siyang bigyan pero pinigilan ako ng nurse. Minomonitor pa daw kasi ang water intake. Anyway naka dextrose naman. I left knowing that my mom would enter after me. Sus! Ayaw ni mother. Naaawa daw siya at baka maiyak siya sa loob.

Single siya. Na-imagine ko agad ang sarili ko sa ganung edad. Wala siyang source of income. Umaasa lang siya sa allowance na bigay ng tito ko buwan buwan. Salit salitan kaming magpipinsan sa ospital. 2 days ng 90/50 ang dugo niya. Super baba. She was looking for my father. Baka daw kasi hindi na siya abutang buhay. Nasa Baguio kasi ang father ko that time.

I was inside her room when I noticed something alarmed and her monitor was blinking. I suddenly went outside and approached a resident nurse. My tita was not bothered though. But I was. I saw a nurse texting not even noticing the alarm. I asked her "Miss.. parang may nag aalarm ata dun sa mga apparatus ng tita ko. Pwede ba patingnan?" She was walking slowly towards the room. Gustong gusto ipakain sa kanya ang cellphone niya at itulak siya papunta sa bed ng tita ko. Guess what she told me. "Ah mam.. kasi natanggal yung clip sa daliri ni nanay." Then she just clipped it back. "Nanay, wag niyo kasing galawin." Balik na siya sa pwesto niya at nagtext ulit. Damn her.

We slept at around 12 midnight. Knowing mag-isa lang ang tita ko sa ICU, hindi rin naman ako napakali. Lalo pa ganun ang sistema ng mga nurse dun. Also, maingay din sa room ng watchers. We woke up at 3am. Nagkape at hindi na nakatulog ulit. We waited for the visiting hours which is 8am pa. Finally nakita namin ang doctor niya. My cousin, who's also a nurse, asked him if it's ok to feed her. Ang mga dyaskeng yun! Hindi ata naorasan ang fasting ng tita ko. Chaka pa lang namin pinakain tuloy. My father arrived so he took the spoon and feed her.

4:30pm - My mom was tired and sleepy. She told me we need to go home. But I insist to visit my tita in ICU once more because this might be the last time I could see her. So I asked my mom to wait til it's time for the afternoon visiting hours. I held my tita's hand. She told me "sana bigyan pa ko ng Panginoon ng mahabang buhay. Kahit isang taon lang." I wanted to hug her..to assure her that it could happen.. to tell her how much I love her.. to thank her for taking care of me when I was a baby.. to thank her for everything... for being a mother to me. These words...  left unspoken. I might make her cry and it could worsen the feeling. So I just kept it to myself. Held her hand once again. Then left... I never said goodbye.

Feb 10, 2013 - I texted my cousin, who's in the hospital that time, and ask how she's doing. She told me she's getting better. Her BP now is stable on 100/80. My father was there too to take care of my her. At dahil duda kami sa mga nurse at doctor, and we really felt uncomfortable with my tita inside the ICU. My father talked to her doctor and asked if we could just take her into regular room anyway the blood pressure is stable. The doctor agreed but he suggested after her Xray session. After it's done, then that's the time he would request for transfer. The doctor also want her to take the CT scan.

Feb 11, 2013 - I can't further explain my tita's condition. All I can say is, it was a relief for me to know that they were able to take her for chest Xray. CT scan was a different story. My father asked if it's ok to just skip it since it will be very difficult for my tita to follow the machine's instruction while inside. If they had a hard time with Xray, this could be worst. The doctor agreed. We thought it's ok for her to be transferred to regular room since she's done with the Xray. Unfortunately, the ICU refused. Sabi nila. since we already paid for the medicine up until the next day, it would be better to consume it. So my father agreed.

Feb 12, 2013 - Around 5:30am, I was preparing to go to the office when suddenly we got a text from my father that my loving tita left us. I was shocked. We thought she's getting better. I called my cousin to asked what happened. She told me they were called when the nurses were already reviving her. My father was not there when it happened because he took a rest on my tita's house in Calamba. He hurriedly drove to the hospital but she was declared dead after 1 hour of reviving. It was very painful to me. I want to go to Calamba immediately but my mom told me we could no longer take her back. What's the use of going there and not seeing her alive. Money is what we need to pay for the burial and hospital bills. I went to the office and check if I could loan an amount. Fortunately, yes I still can.


Feb 13, 2013 - I went to her wake. We'll never get used to the fact she's gone. Nakakamiss. Siya lang kasi ang pinupuntahan namin sa Calamba. Dun kami natutulog sa bahay niya. Pero naisip ko... siguro nga mas ok na rin na kinuha na siya ni Lord. At least hindi na siya gaanong nahirapan. Kung gagaling man siya, hindi rin namin alam kung sino ang mag aalaga sa kanya at kung san kami kukuha ng pera pang maintenance niya.

Feb 14, 2013- December 2012, may binili ang tita kong red blouse. Sabi niya isusuot daw niya yun sa pasko, kaso namatay yung asawa ng pinsan ko kaya bawal ang red. Sabi niya dun sa isa kong tita, sa Valentines na lang daw niya yun isusuot. We granted her wish that day. Don't worry, pinatong lang naman namin. Hindi naman namin kayang isuot yun sa kanya e. We'd be so glad if we can. Nainis lang ako sa mga kontra bida. Kesyo tanggalin daw namin dahil ibig sabihin daw nun magkakapatong patong ang mamamatay. Nyeta! E kelan naman siya nakakita na may gumawa ng ganun sa ibang patay aber!? Kung maka-imbento ng pamahiin wagas. Kung wala lang akong galang na tao sasabihin ko talaga sa kanyang "e di ikaw ang magtanggal!!"

Feb 15, 2014 - Funeral day. We bid our final goodbye to her.


Several days have past.. Sometimes I still find myself crying. I was thinking of wasted time I was not with her. Sana sinabi ko na nun na mahal ko siya. Sana niyakap ko man lang siya nung huli kaming nagkita. Ang dami ko talagang pinagsisisihan nun.

I was wishing na mapanaginipan ko siya lagi. March 5, 2013. It happened. She hugged me. Parang siya pa ang nag comfort sakin. Siguro it's her way of saying na ok na siya.

-end of emo post-

I've been to a lot of places na hindi pa nabblog. Hindi ko kasi kayang pagsabayin ang work sa blogging. Sensiya na. Hindi naman ito ang ikinabubuhay ko. lol! I've been to Coron again, then Tingloy Batangas, lastly Puerto Princesa. Next attraction sila sa blog ko. Actually I already booked a flight to El nido sa Jan 2014. Hindi ako masyadong mahilig sa Palawan e? hihihi! Nakakainis kasi wala akong nai-planong lakad sa holy week. But we'll see. See you on the road guys!






4 comments:

blissfulguro said...

i feel so sad for your loss car. be strong...

Nicole said...

magiging okay din ang lahat. :)

Marx said...

Sige yung year end post na lang this year abangan ko. :D

Chris aka C2 said...

Mak condolence...